i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
