We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize