let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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