hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
