Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
