I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
