I cannot find my penis.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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