I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
