Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize