My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
