So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
