Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
