Sober January is a disaster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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