I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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