You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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