I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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