im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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