Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
