My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
