thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
