The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
