He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
