Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
