Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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