My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
