google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
