I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
