So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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