nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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