I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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