apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
