Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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