I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
