Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
