I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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