So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
