i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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