She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
