Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
