Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
