My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
