This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
