There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
