dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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