yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
