I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just cropdusted the office
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
