found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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