woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize