i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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