ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
