ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
