I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
