I think I am morally bankrupt
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
