Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
