I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
