i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
