The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
