Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize