I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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