I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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