I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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