I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
