Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
