Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
