remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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