I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize