this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
